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 Finding The Father
Name: Ivelyse a.k.a. Ivy
Hometown: The Bronx
Skillz: I am double jointed and know a lot of useless trivia.
Motto: Nothing is ever as bad as it seems, there's always tomorrow for a fresh start.
Must see movie: Anchorman, Zoolander
Favorite Song: way too many to name
Favorite Meal: ice cream and pizza
Influences: I'm influenced by everyone I'm around. Each day is a learning experience and opportunity.
Favorite Scripture: basically the whole book of Jeremiah.
What does Christ’s resurrection mean to you? I've never really measured the meaning of the resurrection, however to me it demonstrates God's power and reminds me never to put God in a box. He is so multi faceted, nothing is impossible for him.
Your ministry:I am beginning a program for youth and young adults in urban communities that allows them to explore cultural and educational activities they may not have access to.
Ivy's Story: I can’t say I grew up poor or lacking material things. I was very privileged in that aspect, however I did grow up without knowing my biological father. My stepfather and mother divorced when I was 13 and apparently he decided to divorce me too. My mother remarried too soon, and her new husband brought drugs into my house and basically held my mother captive with verbal abuse for about 10 years. I saw and heard way more than I wanted to. There wasn’t much I could do to change my situation at home so that’s when I learned to smile. Rather than deal with what was going on, I got up went to school and “kept it moving “all with a smile. Didn’t talk about it, didn’t cry, I just went on like everything was great.
Anyone who knew me thought I had it all together. I even convinced myself I had life figured out. I was wrong.
I needed to be loved, wanted, cared for, and protected. This was easy to find in guys. Their jealousy proved to me just how much they loved me, even if it meant I couldn’t go out or talk on the phone. I loved when they would argue with me because it meant they cared about me, even if we fought about everything; big or small, every single day. My lines were blurred; I definitely didn’t know what love was.
I didn’t just have a dependency on men; I also loved to drink alcohol. Liquor became a friend. I needed to drink morning to night. I didn’t know how to have fun without being drunk. Sometimes drinking wasn’t enough and I needed pills. I didn’t want to deal with what I was facing or what I was holding inside. Alcohol was my way out.
My idea of love depended on others actions towards me. I needed a man to tell me I was pretty so I could feel wanted. I needed friends around so I could feel liked. When these people failed me or even separated from me I would blame myself. There was a time where I thought I was fat, even though I weighed 118 lbs. I didn’t eat and would even force myself to throw up anything I’d already eaten. My life that I thought I had figured out was running in a destructive circle. I would go from man to man, bar to bar, over and over again.
I came to know the Lord when I was about 10. I had served him diligently and wholeheartedly for 5 years. Those were the best days of my life. I thank God that he was able to mold me then. Those few years stood with me even in the midst of my sin, even though I turned my back on God; I could still hear his voice. I would still cry out to him. I couldn’t turn from my sin, but I would still call out to him. I thank God that he holds no grudges, no prejudice, and no barriers. My God is a God that will meet you wherever you are. And that’s exactly what he did. He found me. He was able to restore me. I thank him for being a forgiving and redeeming God. He took all of my wrongs, all my mistakes, and was able to turn them around for his glory.
Today I am 23 and the fact that I’m still alive is a blessing in itself. Of all those nights out drunk with strangers, so much could’ve happened. I thank God that he’s kept me. I sing worship and am able to outreach with Nusoul Generation. Nusoul is a group of people just like me, we’ve been there, done that, and in the end can praise the Lord for his redeeming power.
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